February 6, 2012
The groomsmen helped Ken keep stay calm; the bridesmaids were just so swell with Barbie, and the wedding of Ken and Barbie was just perfect.
And someone got photographs. A really lot of photographs. Here’s one:
From here.
• Yeah, pretty soon Ken and Barbie will settle down and get a nice house in the…Pooper Scooper Barbie! (That’s all we really needed to say, isnt’ it?)
January 3, 2012
“Where no man has gone before” just became the worst joke in the world:
Have you ever dreamed of traveling to distant planets, meeting exotic alien women and having sex with them?
If so, you — and possibly Captain Kirk — are the target audience for brothel owner Dennis Hof’s newest Southern Nevada business venture.
The reality television star and outspoken sex merchant recently bought a rundown bordello 90 miles northwest of Las Vegas and unveiled plans to renovate and reopen it with a science fiction theme.
He is calling it Alien Cathouse and promising “girls from another world.”
We’re guessing this will be a popular request. Or maybe this?
* We really don’t want to, but we are compelled by the Laws of Weirdness and General Creepitude to finish this post by noting – with no further comment – that the linked story ends with this paragraph:
“There are times he still scares my diaper off,” Flint said, “but he has a stamina that’s hard for me to believe.”
December 30, 2011
After spending years in story boards and movies debating if mutants are humans or not, Marvel is now taking the stance that mutants are in fact not humans. The real life debate has nothing to do with mutant rights, but rather taxation on toys. Excerpt from article:
‘Dolls,’ which are toys that represent humans, are taxed at 12%. ‘Toys,’ meanwhile, are, well, toys, but ones that don’t represent humans. Those are taxed at 6.8%. You can probably see where this is headed.
But, where do you draw the line? Who is a mutant and who isn’t? As you can see in the article “11 X-Men Who Aren’t Actually Mutants,” it might be hard to distinguish between the two. For example, did you know that Storm was a member of the X-Men with no powers in 41 different issues?
December 22, 2011
Comic book writer Grant Morrison said it best: “[Every bat-suit is] completely different” – sometimes insanely different – “but they’re all instantly recognizable as [the-bat-suit].”
Unlike Superman, who has more or less been wearing the same blue and red strongman since Action Comics #1 in 1938, Batman just keeps changing his appearance every few years to keep up with the times. Basically, he’s the Madonna of superheroes.
Which is why I created this Batman infographic — to keep track of every single “significant” bat-suit across all mediums (which excludes a grand majority of the bat-suits featured in non-canonical comic books, in case you were wondering).
We contacted the creator of the infographic, Benjamin Andrew Moore, and asked him if we could post it here. (And told him we loved it.) He said “Definitely!” and thanked us for aksing. You are welcome, Ben, and thank you very much!
Click on the pic below. That will take you to the link. Once there, scroll down to the graphic, click on it, click it again, and you’ll get a huge version, so you can see all the costumes up close – and read what Batman is saying, such as “Welcome to hell.”
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Last -minute gifts? Your friends don’t need a Kindle to read an Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader e-book from Amazon. It’s really easy, and fast.
December 21, 2011
We just noticed that someone named “Kim Kardashian” is in the news – again – and we just wanted to say a few things about this, so here goes:
[this space intentionally left blank]
That is all. Thank you.
Update: We just got a call from Kim Kardashian’s lawyer – who, as it happens, talks really loud! – and we’d like to say that we have no idea who made this post. It may have been the janitor. He hates Kim Kardashian. We don’t know why.
Anyway, we’d like to make it up to the lovely and erudite Ms. Kardashian by now posting one quote from her:
I am Armenian, so of course I am obsessed with laser hair removal! Arms, bikini, legs, underarms…my entire body is hairless.
So there you go.
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The UJBR HOLIDAY SALE! - 30% off all books - goes until the end of December.
And Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader eBooks and new and improved mobile app just became available.
December 14, 2011
Because we live to serve you the latest and greatest (and, well, let’s face it, some of the most awful) news, history, wisdom, nonsense, and, as in times like these—still steaming piles of fresh gossip—we point you to the Twitter feed of comedy legend John Cleese, who twittered, just minutes ago (it’s around 10 AM on the 14th day of December, 2011), of his Monty Python partner, Eric Idle:
Oh dear. Somebody’s a Mr. Crabby Pants this morning.
He followed that up minutes later with:
Now, maybe it’s just us, but this kind of sniping from a superstar like Cleese is unbecoming – and we’ll be right here to update this post if any more sniping is to follow.
Nearly Immediate Update: Ah ha. Some background, from just three days ago:
John Cleese may have been forced to go on tour to pay for his third divorce, but he has won little sympathy from Eric Idle.
Idle says he dropped his fellow Monty Python star from his touring production of Spamalot, his hit musical, because he had given him enough money already.
“I fired John Cleese – surgically removed him,” he says. “It wasn’t mean – he’s had millions of dollars from it. He charges people a fortune for using his voice. He’s always been in financial crisis.”
Now stop. Come on – you guys are heroes! Okay, just a little more:
He adds: “His ex wife was married to him for 20 years. I wouldn’t take £13 million to be married to him.”
Do you understand the comedic possibilities if these two really get going? It’d be like two Jedi knights fighting! The Force could be seriously damaged!
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Oh yeah: Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader eBooks and new and improved mobile app just became available today….
December 8, 2011
If you think this behind-the-scenes photo is cool:
…then you’re going to love the rest of the photos at BuzzFeed.
Okay here’s one more:
Damn, rather clean apes, really…
November 16, 2011
SUPERMAN RETURNS, STARRING WILL SMITH
Some roles are so closely associated with a specific actor that it’s hard to imagine that he or she wasn’t the first choice for the part. Can you imagine, for example…
JOHN BELUSHI AS ARTHUR (Arthur, 1981)
The part of the millionaire alcoholic became the definitive role of Dudley Moore’s career and earned him an Oscar nomination, a rare feat for a comic performance. But the producers’ first choice for the role was Belushi, one of the biggest comic actors of the era. Belushi thought the script was excellent, but turned it down. Reason: After playing a hard-drinking guy in Animal House, he didn’t want to play another hard-drinking guy in Arthur and risk getting typecast as a substance abuser.WILL SMITH AS SUPERMAN (Superman Returns, 2006)
Filmmakers considered many B-list actors, including Josh Hartnett and Ashton Kutcher, but director Bryan Singer wanted the industry’s biggest star: Will Smith. Obviously that would have been a controversial choice, because Superman is white, and Smith would have been the first black actor to take on the role. Smith wanted no part of that controversy. “You can’t be messing up white people’s heroes in Hollywood,” Smith said to a reporter. “You’ll never work in this town again!” In the end, Singer hired a largely unknown soap actor named Brandon Routh.BETTE MIDLER AS ANNIE WILKES (Misery, 1990)
In 1989 Disney-owned Touchstone Pictures was producing an adaptation of Stephen King’s novel Misery, about a crazed fan who kidnaps and tortures her favorite author. Touchstone repeatedly offered the role of crazy Annie to Bette Midler, who they had under an exclusive contract. Midler repeatedly turned it down because she thought the script was distasteful and frightening (it was based on a Stephen King novel, after all). The part ultimately went to stage and TV actress Kathy Bates. It made her a film star…and won her an Oscar.
That’s another excerpt in our series of bits and pieces from the brand spanking new Uncle John’s 24-KARAT GOLD Bathroom Reader! You can about read more unlikely lead role picks, as well as hundreds of other stories – at 30% off the usual price as part of our annual HOLIDAY SALE! And that’s 30% of ALL our books.
• Past excerpts can be found by hitting “Excerpts” in the tags blow this post.
November 10, 2011
Update: No – TODAY is Nigel tufnel Day! So there!
How will you celebrate Nigel Tufnel Day?
Oh, it’s coming people. It’s practically here!
P.S. Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader goes right past Numbers 1 and 2 and goes straight to 11. Ew. Sorry. Never mind.
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Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader’s HOLIDAY SALE – 30% of all books (here’s a relevant one) – goes through December.
November 8, 2011
Here’s one you may not have heard before:
But in January of 1989, Billy Ripken [brother of Baltimore Orioles legend Cal Ripken], scheduled to be a five cent common in the 1989 Fleer set, ignited the hobby already entering its prime with the debut of the very first Upper Deck set. Packs of Fleer hit hobby stores right after New Year’s and, within two weeks, everyone had to have their hands on card No. 616, Billy Ripken.
Why?
It was the bat that he designated to use only in batting practice. It was the bat that had “F–K FACE” written on the knob, the obscenity in its full four-letter glory.
Oh dear:
Bet he didn’t send that card home to Mom!
When Fleer heard about the problem, they rereleased the card with the naughty words obscured.
When confronted about the issue, Ripken said one of his teammates had written the words on the bat it to prank him. But - 20 years later - he admitted that he had done it himself—but only so he could quickly recognize the bat amongst a bunch of others. He had no idea he’d have his picture snapped! He explains what happened at the link.
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Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader’s HOLIDAY SALE – 30% of all books – goes through December.
U.S. straw sizes, in order of increasing diameter: Cocktail, slim, jumbo, super jumbo, and giant
